


biology and shit

by thehearsesong



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Gen, and yet here we are, this was not supposed to be angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-10-10 21:51:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10448349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thehearsesong/pseuds/thehearsesong
Summary: loosely inspired by this tumblr post: https://dirkkgently.tumblr.com/post/158837999959/farahs-girlfriend-amanda-will-say-that-shei wanted to write a fun lil oneshot about dirk getting high and... this is what i wrotewhoops sorry it's real angsty





	

Things were not going according to plan.

Amanda knew that Dirk might not like pot, but she wasn’t prepared to deal with a grown man crying and cowering in the corner of her garage.

He had taken quite a bit of convincing to smoke in the first place, actually. Amanda now understood exactly why.

“They’re going to find me,” Dirk whimpered. Amanda felt a pang in her heart. It was so hard seeing Dirk, normally so optimistic in the face of, well, anything, like this.

Amanda’s fuzzy brain was of no help in trying to calm Dirk down. Overcome with emotion, she started crying in the middle of a sentence and suddenly found herself sobbing onto Martin’s shoulder.

The Rowdy Three had tried sucking up Dirk’s negative energy, but he was still afraid even afterwards. It was the first time Amanda had seen them have so little effect.

So then Amanda had called Farah, who just stood helplessly looking at Dirk with a bemused expression. It was not helpful in the least. _But in her defense,_ Amanda thought, _that’s how she deals with Dirk when he’s sober, too._

There didn’t seem to be anything they could do.

So Amanda turned to her last resort. She called Todd.

 

* * *

 

It had been weeks since Amanda had last seen her brother. Considering what had happened between them, she expected to feel more hatred when she saw him walking up the street. But she couldn’t separate her memories of him from the Todd she knew now, and it left her feeling torn between anger, longing, and sadness. Mostly sadness.

Amanda felt as if she was in mourning. Every time she saw Todd’s face, the band-aid was ripped off again and she had to start all over.

For the first time all day, Amanda was glad she wasn’t sober.

“Hey, sis,” Todd said, “how is he?”

“Not good. And don’t call me that.”

Amanda refused to feel guilty at the look of obvious hurt on Todd’s face.

Stepping further into the garage, Todd pulled what looked like a thermos out of his backpack.

“The hell is that?” Martin asked.

“Tea,” Todd said. “It usually helps him calm down. Although I’ve never seen him like this.”

Dirk was still cowering in the corner, but now he was also rocking back and forth and saying something about not being allowed to eat. Amanda’s heart broke a little more. She didn’t know exactly what he was referring to, but she knew he didn’t deserve it. Dirk Gently didn’t deserve anything bad.

_Why the hell is he friends with Todd? Is he just a fucking glutton for punishment? Has he not gone through enough?_

“I don’t think that’s gonna help, bro,” said Vogel.

Todd shot him a glance, but said nothing.

He crouched next to Dirk in the corner and tentatively reached for his shoulder.

“Hey, Dirk,” he said softly, “it’s me, it’s Todd. I brought you tea.”

Dirk quieted for a moment and met Todd’s eyes. “Todd?”

Todd nodded. “It’s me. Do you want tea?”

Dirk blinked, and something in his eyes changed.

“Of course I bloody want tea, who do you think I am?”

Todd looked taken aback. Amanda was taken aback.

“Uh, here,” Todd said lamely, handing Dirk the thermos. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t feel great,” Dirk said, “but I really fucking like tea. Also you. I like you.”

“Oh,” said Todd, and then added under his breath, “why?”

“My thoughts exactly,” murmured Amanda. Farah shot her a glance with a slight shake of her head.

_Right, now is probably not a good time to be pissed at Todd. Dirk is okay and that’s what matters. Get a fucking grip, Brotzman._

Dirk took a sip of his tea. He then paused and stared at the contents of the thermos.

“Tea is weird,” he said. “Life is weird. Why do you think we exist?” The last part was directed at Cross, who returned Dirk’s curious gaze with a blank stare.

“Uh,” he said, “I dunno. Biology and shit?”

Dirk nodded fiercely, reminiscent of a Harvard honor student’s enthusiasm. “Yes, of course. Biology. And shit, mustn't forget that.” He nodded a few more times to himself.

Todd slowly rose from his position crouching next to Dirk.

“Uh, Amanda,” he said slowly, “why exactly was Dirk so upset, again?”

“Um, he, uh, just started getting really paranoid. We tried everything but he wouldn’t calm down until you showed up. It was like fucking magic, man, I swear.”

Todd’s eyes narrowed. “You got him high.”

“I did not!”

“She did,” said Dirk.

“Traitor!” Amanda exclaimed.

“Sorry,” Dirk replied, with the decency to sound a little bit guilty.

“Amanda, did you not think this through at all?” said Todd. “Dirk is paranoid enough sober. Hallucinogenic drugs are not going to make his brain work better.”

“It’s just pot, Todd.”

“Just pot? I don’t fucking care, Amanda. Did you see what it did to him? Did you even think before you gave it to him?”

“I don’t know, did you think before you lied about having a terminal disease?” she shot back.

A stony silence filled the garage. Todd’s expression didn’t change as he said, “I can’t fucking believe this.”

Grabbing Dirk’s arm, Todd pulled him up and led him down Amanda’s driveway. She could almost hear him reassuring Dirk, but she wasn’t sure if that was all he was saying. It probably wasn’t.

It took all of Amanda’s willpower not to feel guilty.

Farah rested a hand softly on Amanda’s arm. “Amanda--”

Amanda roughly tossed her arm aside. “I don’t want to hear it.”

She didn’t dare look over at at Farah’s face. There was no way she could handle that right now.

“I’m going inside,” Amanda finally said, defeated.

Leaning against the inside of her closed door, Amanda allowed herself one tear.

“That’s it,” she whispered to herself. “One. He is not getting anything else out of me. Ever.”

She tried to convince herself that was what she wanted. She almost believed it.


End file.
